Uncle Everett's Therapy Corner

Discussion in 'Everett Labs' started by anonymous, May 12, 2018 at 10:07 AM.

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  1. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    I enjoy reading this thread. Exeltis is in need of humor in this dark hour.

    The fact is that Exeltis DID layoff a pregnant women in their last round of dermatology layoffs. This rep, along with the others that were laid off, got 1 month of severance due to the fact that they were employed only a year.

    I too see the irony of a female HR director who lays off pregnant women and then gives them a crumby severance. What do you expect from a director that has no college degree.

    I would love for the new CEO to ask her to explain that move. If the sales are so poor, why is she allowed to have a company vehicle? As you are cleaning our coorporate, she needs to be at the top of your list to go.

    These facts needs to sink into all of the new hire reps on the dermatology team. When they lay you off (and you WILL be laid off this year), you will get 1 month. Also, your bonus (good luck on getting a decent bonus) will be proratted.

    good luck
     

  2. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Dear Uncle Everett,

    A few of us women are thinking about going on STRIKE this summer. Why? For a multitude of problems.

    1) We feel that we should be able to wear our skirts as short as possible. We also want the "right" not to wear undergarments.

    2) We want to be given the "right" to a coffee break. One at 10-10:45am and the other from 3-3:45 pm. We would ask that you budget $20 per day per rep for Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts. We want the freedom to choose the coffee house. Right now we feel it is weird to go to Starbucks and smell the homeless.

    3) We want to have the "right" to kick our male managers in their small ba!!s. How dare they look at my cleavage! We feel it is self protection to kick them.

    If these demands are not met, we will go on strike next week (after Memorial Day)

    #feeling NPowerd
    #strikeexeltis
    #kickeminthenuts
     
  3. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    I think Uncle Everett is in Ireland. He’s been quiet for a few days. :D
     
  4. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Given Exeltis is in this state of crisis and imment death... what should the Exeltis Theme Song be?

    Please submit your entries!
     
  5. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Thank you for thinking about me....I have been oversees. Last weekend, your favorite Uncle had to make a trip oversees to attend a special wedding of my niece Meghan.
     
  6. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Muse - Uprising
    Johnny Paycheck - You can take this job and shove it.
    Office Space Soundtrack - Shove This Jay Oh Bee
    Wiz Khalifa - Work Hard Play Hard
    Thundamentals - Quit Your Job
    Queen - I Want To Break Free
     
  7. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    The Exeltis song...

    The theme song from Titanic!
     
  8. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Good Morning to the fine people of Exeltis,

    Your favorite Uncle Everett recently got an email request. Here it is:

    Dear Unckle,
    I NEED YOUR HELP!!! Now that I have free time, I am on an intense workout regiment where I workout 3x a day. Mike encouraged me to commit to complete 100,000 burpees.
    The problem is that with the heat wave, I go a nasty rash of jock itch.

    I know that Ecoza is oly for feet, but Mike sugested that I get some Ecoza. My doc at the free clinic prescribed some but unfortunately, COBRA insurace does not cover this product. I find this confusing. I was always told that Ecoza could be filled by all.

    Anyway, can you have one of your reps send me a few trades?

    Got to go....I want to complete 500 burpies today!
    FM


    Well, you read it from the man. I know that we do not have many of you are left in Derm, but can one of you mail him a trade?

    Have a great day!

    Uncle Everett
     
  9. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Dear Uncle E,

    Another resignation came in today! This is insane! Can you speak with someone to stop the bleeding here????? I need another feel good email from AC reassuring everything is okay. Please forward this message to the right person.

    Sincerely,

    Your favorite nephew.
     
  10. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    AC as our source of strength? Maybe a few more tears will do the trick...like at the NSM. That was inspiring. Our Director of Derm couldn't pass the new hire general derm exam. Pretty much says it all.
     
  11. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Does anyone else have the theme song to the TITANIC playing in their head? I feel the boat rocking and I see the furniture sliding across the deck.

    What I don't see is the leadership saying that they will go down with the ship. I for one will not end up like Leonardo DiCaprio's character sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic.

    It is time to abandon ship! Get a seat in the lifeboat while you can.
     
  12. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    If attitude determines altitude then anyone having anything to do with this thread will be on the bottom of the ocean.
     
  13. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    okay MB, thank you.
     
  14. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Hahaha...so funny!
     
  15. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Hey Kids,

    Your favorite Uncle wanted to share an email from Exeltis HR

    Dear Unckkle Eerettt,
    It has come to my attention, that we have company employees that are posting NEGATIVE comments on an open board. It is VITALL that we remind employees that they cant post on this website.
    We look to you as the FOUNDING FATHER to encourage epolyees to go back to work.
    Let em knoew that this is a good place to work that offers SUPPERIOR benefits. Also let them know that we are stable and will not layoff in the fall.

    It is important that they stay till October so that we can obttain scripts over the summer so we can recoop their salary. If they leave early, we will have to layoff in AUgust.
    Please communicate this ASAp.

    Sincerlyy,

    Exeltis Human Resources
     
  16. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Uncle Ev,
    Please tell Exeltis HR not to worry-staff is busy interviewing and will be leaving as soon as they start their new jobs. That will eliminate their need for another round of layoffs/firings.
    Sincerely,
    Hopefully next to go!
     
  17. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Dear Uncle,

    I have a harassment complaint and I don't feel like I can go to hr. The issue is w my boss and the way HE has set up a bro-code team.

    You see he finds it funny to "nipple twist" his male reps during ride alongs and at meeting! He is like the 10th grade jock that would snap a towel at your privates in the locker room. He is THAT guy!

    Last week on a ride along, he DEMANDED that we go to Chipotle so that he could get a vegan burrito that contained high fiber beans. An hour later in the car, I started to smell an rank smell. Being professional, I did not make a comment.

    Later when we were in one of my largest accounts, he farted loudly in the sample closet. Because of office policies, we had to stay in the closet. He kept swinging his hips and squatting down. One fart led to two that then led to 30 MINUTES of gas passing.

    I was so disgusted that I could not sell. When we walked out of the call, he wrapped his sweaty arm around my shoulder and told me to work on closing. He then twisted my left nipple!

    The worst part is his BASTARD sent me my coaching report where he gave me a NEEDS IMPROVEMENT for the work trip!

    I do not trust our hr lady. She is good friends w my manager.

    What should I do?
     
  18. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    i thought fleet vehicles were for field based roles only, how does HR have a fleet?
     
  19. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    Nikki Jolly has a company car? Why? And why her and not the rest of the home office staff? Once again...the highly educated Director of HR is causing an HR issue.
     
  20. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    As the FOUNDER, I was asked if it was appropriate for our well respected HR director to have a vehicle.
    I assured our new CEO that it was VERY important to provide her with not only a fleet car but she NEEDED a few extra add-ons:

    -Large Vehicle-She needs the larger vehicle when she drives to the airport for her NSM and President's Club scouting trips. She often takes 4 checked bags on these trips. That is why I gave her a large SUV.

    -Heated Seats-I thought it was important to provide her a warm SUV. It will not help our reps if the HR director comes into the office cold! She needs to come in warm and happy in order to encourage our field team.

    -Leather Seats-Our HR director mentioned that her busy schedule required her to often eat in her car going and coming to work. I felt it was easier to clean spilled coffee or a dropped Dunkin Donut on a leather seat.

    -BOSE Radio-Our HR director needs to be able to drive hands free and speak clearly when she is in her car. It was only fair for her to get the best sound system.

    -Weakly full service car wash-I approved for her to get a $50 car wash each week. A clean car helps promote a clean attitude!

    Thanks for the questions. Reach out anytime!

    Uncle E