The Continuing Crisis As April comes to a close, word has leaked that Iron Man will be leaving the organization. Fare well, Iron Man, and thanks for generating a lot of, ultimately, useless activity. From an outsider’s view, it appears that more creative work was doing trying to AVOID your meetings as opposed to actually trying to prepare for them. I will certainly miss our, um, “conversations” where I understand about one of every three words you uttered. Speaking of leaving, is it true that SSP will soon be leaving the X BoD? Sonofagun…if true, the irony will be that the first smart thing that SSP has done as a Board member is TO RESIGN. We’re now into our 5th month without a visit from our CEO. Too bad. I miss those inspiring “town hall” meetings where we left scratching our heads wondering what the hell it was you just said. Meanwhile, the company car used by the CEO during her infrequent trips to the area sat for a time at the airport and was discovered to have a dead battery. Perhaps nothing better symbolizes our CEO’s utter abandonment of the KY office and her responsibility to lead than that fact. (As an aside, the use of the term “town hall” to describe a company meeting is yet another reason I would like to beat the Walrus senseless with a hatchet. It’s not a town hall meeting, fool, it’s an employee meeting. How about calling it that?) As this edition is being written, negotiations continue to sell the remaining assets of the Company. How long negotiations continue to drag out is anyone’s guess, but if I were on the other side, I would want to schedule as many meetings as possible where our esteemed CFO is involved. The more she talks, the more the other side receives in terms of talking points on the negotiation. This may be an elementary point, but perhaps, just perhaps, someone should clue her in that the idea of a negotiation from the seller’s point of view, is to actually get MORE for your assets…not less. Am I the only one who wonders how glorious our future could be right now if only we had heeded PeePee’s advice and painted the lobby a different color? We’ve received a report that Fluffy is less than satisfied in his new role as the marketing bitch for a law firm. It seems that Mr. Shallow laments the fact that he is not the “subject matter expert” at his new employer, since his fellow employees actually practice law and don’t just make up powerpoint slides that demonstrate absolutely nothing of value. We can only wonder when the Fluffmeister was EVER the subject matter expert at any job he has ever held. Apparently there is no truth to the rumor that Fluffy started growing a porn star mustached in honor of his hero and erstwhile beloved boss, Flexty. Of course, that was a rumor we started so that explains its falsity. Drawing on experiences from former Communist countries that used to prepare 5 year agricultural forecasts that were notoriously wrong, our marketing department has submitted its 48th consecutive incorrect quarterly forecast...Keep up the good fight...
