I want Klaun Marten's job

I am a nasal sounding, arrogant, insecure, moron called Klaun Marten.

One of my strategic concepts is to merge Bayer's hemophilia franchise with Gilead's HIV franchise as there are plenty of hemophilia patients we knowingly infected with hep b&c and HIV, hence we will offer a unrivaled value proposition to the payer; we have retroviral anti-HiV cocktails drugs to give to the sub-population of HIV patients with hemophilia which we infected. Also, please don't tell nobody, but I will deploy the same strategy I did with BetaStrapon-Betaferon by just increasing the price and offering a differentiating Klaun-Factor despite sales being so low, no competitor made a bisimilar to it. My other fabulous idea is not to innovate for the anti-TFPI autoinjector, instead just copying the device we had for the BetaStrapon auto-orgasmimasturbator-injector to offer differentiation to female patients with multiple sclerosis and those who have developed adverse events to our "women's health" aka contraceptive pills, by refraining from penetrative sex with their husbands and instead to use the BetaStrapon Injector. The other thing I am EXTREMELY PLEASED pleased by this device is because it has a 3D shape of my head at the end of the device to hit the K-spot, not the g-spot. As you will see if you are lucky enough to receive one, it is totally silent when it is injecting, so silent just like my open plan office, I like silence, it allows me to peer over my computer screen and terrorise my SUB-HUMANORDINATES. Also something else I AM EXTREMELY PLEASED, and also has a button to playback a multitude of my jingles and sound effects. E.g. hitting:

Button 1 plays back in my nasal German accented voice "are you feeling the Klaun Factor baby"

Button 2 "Jivi, Jivi, Jivi, it's better than Hemlibra"

Button 3 "Schnell! Schnell! Schnell" come quicker, you are wasting the battery life and I have things to do!

Button 4 "increase the price, increase the price, u have no strategy"

Button 5 "Let me just add one more thing, let me tell you what will happen!!"

Button 6 "Snejana, Snejana, if you go to human resources one more time and try and "Krass-me-ova....."

Button 7 "I AM EXTREMELY PLEASED with myself, everybody came up to me and congratulated me for my brilliant strategy - increase the price! increase the price! Increase the price!"

I also love bullying Chinese people, especially those with the name Joseph Lin. By God it was EXTREMELY funny to see his chubby-Slap-me-in-the-face-cheeks squirm and go red when I told he would be demoted one level to report to Hans Vis. Hahahahahah!! Fuck you Joseph Lin, that's what happens when you go and complain to subhuman resources.

I AM EXTREMELY PLEASED to inform you I will be leading Xarelto in 2020. I never want to retire, my ambition is to become the first VP in the genocidal history of Bayer to be the CEO from the product manager legacy members of Schering. Despite being a moron, I have a photo of a member of the Bayer family getting fucked by a donkey and have made 347 copies buried in secret locations in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, East of Poland, Sudenten-Germany in Czech Republic. If at any time I do not get promotions, I will hit a red button which will reveal the locations to the Bunt gossip magazine.

Fuck you everyone. I will relish in terrorising the lot of you.

 

This post is so true it's not even funny - well it is fucking stupidly funny, but you know what I mean.

 

Is this guy married to Lisa Wassell from Women's Healthcare? Asking for a friend.......

 

Is this guy married to Lisa Wassell from Women's Healthcare? Asking for a friend.......

 

Bayer News Flash

Klaun Marten, Stefan Oger-licker, Heiko Schitter, Liam Condom and Werner Bum-Man are all committed to serving the interests of the entire enterprise and achieving a sustained increase in corporate value by creating a boy band called the Bayer Bum-Bang Bunch. The Chairman of the Board of Management Werner Bum-Man coordinates the principles of this new boy band.

The most important tasks of the Bayer Bum-Bang Bunch is defining how once again they can sign songs bare defining how to create money by exploiting humanity. They will release songs on a quarterly reports The Board of Management will also ensure that world will receive regular, timely and comprehensive information on all new songs released.

 

Simple of rule of thumb with Klaus Marten, be on your guard with things he says he will not do in meetings, i.e. will not micromanage you, "you are the expert, I am going to listen to you", "here is just a suggestion" .He says these things to cover his back. His current achilles heel is the numerous complaints by female workers of his bullying behaviours, so if you are female, best write a formal written complaint against him to the Head of HR of your Bayer site, NOT your HR representative.

The word his a court case is slowly being devised a some co-workers who are working cautiously to have him fired.

I can't wait to see this fascist being fired.

 

Klaus Marten is a genius when it comes to covering his back. He has a gay executive assistant and gave the Afro-American princess the LIFE award......now nobody can accuse him of being a bully.

 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshuacohen/2020/07/25/trumps-executive-orders-on-drug-pricing-contain-caveats-and-limitations/#22d335e15001

I bet Klaus will be doing his usual ranting, shouting and screaming at his team, especially the market access and forecasters, as to what this will mean to the price of Jivi and Kovaltry.

Monday the 27th of July should be a fun day.

 

Klaus is also wonderful at understanding that not everyone stays in the Bayer/Schering world for life, look how he treated the people who recently resigned to go to other companies.

 

F* You Klaus - you're gone forever from Bayer

 

We celebrated with joy when he left Bayer.

 

And now this maniac is advertising himself as an independent consultant. Maybe he can get his daughter's acting failed acting career off the ground.

 

So who has replaced Klaun Marten as the biggest psycopath in Bayer?

 

Altuviiio…..

Heard through the grapevine Bayer’s commercialization team is shi**ing themselves.

 

Marstacimab................