120 percent

It looks like Merck is serious this time.

Subject: FW: Merck in the News
MERCK TO CUT WORKFORCE 120 PERCENT

NEW YORK, N.Y. (AP.com) - Merck will reduce its workforce by an
unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2013, believed to be the first
time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually
has.
Merck stock soared more than 12 points on the news.

The reduction decision, announced Wednesday, came after a year-long
internal review of cost-cutting procedures. The initial report concluded
the company would save $1.2 billion by eliminating 20 percent of its
85,000 employees.

From there, said a spokesperson, "it didn't take a genius to figure out
that if we cut 40 percent of our workforce, we'd save $2.4 billion, and
if we cut 100 percent of our workforce, we'd save $6 billion. But then
we thought, why stop there? Let's cut another 20 percent and save $7
billion.

"We believe in increasing shareholder value, and we believe that by
decreasing expenditures, we enhance our competitive cost position and
our bottom line," he added.

Merck plans to achieve the 100 percent internal reduction through
layoffs, attrition and early retirement packages. To achieve the 20
percent in external reductions, the company plans to involuntarily
downsize 17,000 non-Merck employees who presently work for other
companies.

"We pretty much picked them out of a hat,".

Among firms Merck has picked as "External Reduction Targets," or ERTs,
are Quaker Oats, AMR Corporation, parent of American Airlines, Lockheed,
Boeing, and Charles Schwab & Co. Merck's plan presents a "win-win" for
the company and ERTs, said the Merck spokesperson, as any savings by ERTs would be passed on to Merck, while the ERTs themselves would benefit by the increase in
stock price that usually accompanies personnel cutback announcements.

"We're also hoping that since, over the years, we've been really helpful
to a lot of companies, they'll do this for us kind of as a favor,".

Legally, pink slips sent out by Merck would have no standing at ERTs
unless those companies agreed. While executives at ERTs declined to
comment, employees at those companies said they were not inclined to
cooperate.

"This is ridiculous. I don't work for Merck. They can't fire me," said
Kaili Blackburn, a flight attendant with American Airlines.

Reactions like that, replied the Merck spokesperson "are not very
sporting."

Inspiration for Merck's plan came from previous cutback initiatives,
said company officials. In January of 2005, for instance, the company
announced it would trim 15,000 jobs over two years. However, just a year
later, Merck said it had already reached its quota. "We were quite
surprised at the number of employees willing to leave Merck in such a
hurry, and we decided to build on that,".

Analysts credited the short-term vision, noting that the announcement
had the desired effect of immediately increasing Merck's share value.
However, the long-term ramifications could be detrimental, said Morgan Stanley analyst Beldon McInty.

"It's a little early to tell, but by eliminating all its employees,
Merck may jeopardize its market position and could, at least
theoretically, cease to exist," said McInty.

The spokesperson, however, urged patience: "To my knowledge, this hasn't
been done before, so let's just wait and see what happens."

 

perfect. thank you for this.

 

Ha Ha Ha - I told you so - bye bye

 

Best news I have heard in years - way over due! Options are going to be worth a bundle

 

Goodbye to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

and to all a good night!!!

 

Hilarious

 

I call false - there is NO WAY Merck could lay off anyone outside the organization. This is NOT a credible thread!!!!!!!!!

 

Best. Thread. Ever. If only our Marketing people were as creative....

 

You are an idiot.

 

It's a fake message...a joke...are you a complete idiot? No wonder you work at Merck!

 

I am a newer CTL - hosp based. Didnt see this on the wire yet. Trying to read between the lines. So most will be contract/ outsource people? Dont really understand how this is going to happen. Sure we will have a conf call for clarification.

 

Last in, first out. Don't expect to be on any clarifying call, you will likely get a 1:1.

 

This is exactly why merck is in such a death spiral. Idiot.

 

You are exactly the reason for the end. Really. You wait for a teleconf you stupid merckbot. Wait for a telconf to tell you when to go to the bathroom as well.

 

If you check the source, AP.com, you will clearly find that this post is false. This website is for Audio Precision. It's not the associated press like most probably believe.

I personally believe that we are in for a massive layoff, but I at least check sources before spouting off complete lies.

 

Thanks for a good laugh in this idiotic Merck environment. Take care.

 

Funniest post I've read in a while!

 

Are Merck people really so stupid that they believe that this is a real announcement??? Come on I give you all more credit than that. The "rebuttal" comments must all be Merckies playing along!

I for one thought this was priceless - especially about where the extra 20% were going to come from - ERTs indeed!

 

I am the OP. I tried to type up something funny. I had no clue people would take it seriously. Merck is not going to lay off everyone. I promise we will not hand out pink slips to employees from Quaker Oats, American Airlines, Lockheed, Boeing, and Charles Schwab & Co. I actually understand how halodude and others boinked every married chick in the QA department now. It can't be that hard.


I am shocked that I actually have to write this.