Sales meeting

Any idea when the usual "rah rah after reorg" sales meeting will happen? And where?
If retained, I'd like to put in my vaca for that specific week now

 

I cannot wait until the survivor party. New and improved, with an Even Bolder Promise...more pillars...more tales of the best-in-class pipeline...more transparency...more references to inorganic growth...and best of all...more web-conferences in kilts.

 

Hahahaha touche.

 

Love it!

 

That's awesome. Thanks for the laugh.

 

That's fantastic......

 

The folks that run this web-conference kits are stupid, but the MDs that take the money for them aren't.

 

Think the words "right sized" will be uttered?

 

Hell yes, we are there as we are the chosen ones, anointed by the leadership, we are true gods among gods.

here are the opening speech lines:

"The others, the unwashed who have returned their iPads sales buddy and rides, they wanted to bring the company down.. they were the weak, we in this room ARE the STRONG"

we are the future, the strength to the pillars, the BOLD in bold bets, the future of the company's magnificent throbbing boner that will impregnate the womb of the world with our seed, products and pipeline!! that IS our future.. together we will WIN"

but until then go sell more shit until September then you are all on severance and we will want you iPad back as we think they sell more than you do.

 

Will Ann have "survivor's guilt"?

 

Ann who?

 

Until their names hit the papers or pro publica

 

So I'm thinking the survivor party/POA/FastStart/LeadershipCircleJerk goes something like this:

The sound of bagpipes washes over the 500+ Novartians spared from the February slaughter as they gather in a second rate East Hanover hotel ballroom. A be-kilted Innes Meldrum on the pipes marches center stage as the curtain rises. He stops and gives a quick synopsis of how happy he is being here with Novartis, and then begins another 45 minute session on everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-Scotland,but-really-didn't-want-to-know while Scott O (fresh from a 10 mile run and wearing a plaid athletic skort) looks onward chuckling like Ed McMahon. The crowd is now riveted.

Scott O then pipes up with Super Bold Promises, lays out 75 pillars based on our "feedback" and says our future couldn't be better with the whole sales force 100% weighted on Exelon Patch 13.3. He then does 100 one-armed push-ups, one for every percent of Patch 13.3's IC3 weighting, and then shouts "The Future is Primary Care!" The room erupts with applause, pyrotechnics explode and Neekos strides to front of the room.

He begins to speak. No one can understand a flippin' word he says, as usual, but then a HUGE TelePrompTer drops from the rafters. Behold! His speech has subtitles! Novartians absolutely loose their minds with a standing O. Neekos then speaks, "Your feedback zed you cooldn't understandz a fucking word I zed. Zo now, you can read why I zay." Pandemonium ensues! Neekos continues that the future is definitely Primary Care...for at least four more months with Patch. But we will bolster our product portfolio with organic-inorganic growth, as Novartis has reacquired Enablex from Warner Chilcothe...and Novartis will introduce Lescol XXL--a breakthrough once weekly treatment for cholesterol.

Then more bagpipes blare through the PA system as the curtain rises on Andy Wyss sitting atop a $72 billion mountain of cash...brought in all the way from Basel! It's now absolute chaos as rabid Novartians chanting "LES-col...EN-a-blex...Primary Care, is the best!" Chairs are thrown. The whole sales force rushes the stage...and it is a celebration of the FUN Pillar the likes of no one has ever seen.

 

Top 5 cafepharma post ever! Thanks for the laugh.

 

Thanks for the laugh.

 

ROTFL...That was truly INSPIRED.

 

nice

 

Love it! If you're severed, you can always get a job doing standup comedy!!!

 

The best cafe pharma post EVER! Thanks for making me laugh out loud, as I await my fate!

 

This has to be the funniest thing I have read in years...tears streaming down my face as I read it.