Wishing all BMSers a Merry Christmas classic.

Although it's a little dated now, many of the usual suspects still work here, so here it is!

Twas the night before bonus, and all through the land
Not a doctor was writing, had no pen in hand.

The vis-aids were ready with the rep in the chair,
In hopes that the doctor would soon be sitting there.

The marketing and sales people were all smug in their beds,
While visions of promotions danced in their heads

And Jim in his tan shoes and Lamberto in his cap,
Had just settled down after a Courvoisier nightcap.

When in the real world there arose such a clatter,
They both sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.

Away to their computers they flew like a flash,
Opened their email to see to see if Nrxs generated them cash.

The glow on the screen looked of new-fallen snow
And gave hope of the email subject below.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
A blank Nrx page on email titled; “Oh, Dear!”

With a grumble and sigh they called each other ticked,
With so few Nrxs, “I think we are dicked.”

More rapid than eagles to marketing and sales they came, And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now ! Tony, now, Dan! now, Gurak and Rita you Vixen! On, Bernie! On, Murdo! On Celantano, on Maglione and Kalczyinskin!

To the top of the charts! To the top of the Wall (street)!
Now get your asses working! Get working to all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

As they promised top spots, to the sales force they flew,
With their egos full like Jim and Lamberto, we’ve done all we can do.

And then in my voice mail I heard a big POOF!
The hemming and hawing of each little goof.

As I hit 33-7 and was turning around,
Down my throat jumped the clueless, claiming no ground.

They were pissed off royally, from their head to their feet,
And their voices were strained like a cur dog in heat.

A bundle of training they had flung on their backs,
And they blasted the reps for not selling, the slacks!

But Rita’s eyes-how they twinkled! her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the shade of her skin was as white as the snow.

The grimace of her lips held tight by her teeth,
And the veins in her neck stuck out like a wreath.

She had a kind face and a tiny little round belly,
That shook when she gaffed, like a bowlful of jelly!

She was angry and pissed, a right ornery old elf,
And I laughed when I heard her, in spite of myself!

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.

He shrieked lots of words, and went straight to the rep’s work,
And took no accountability, just like a jerk.

And pointing her finger at reps, she arose,
She said, ther’ll be pink slips a’ plenty for those!

She sprang to her team, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all descended like a nuclear missile.

And I heard them exclaim as they got the reps in their sights.
We’ll fire all of you bastards, if you can’t get it right!

Merry Christmas!

 

too funny

 

Actually not funny at all

 

Fuck you.