HOW DO I PASS A QUEST DRUG TEST

How do I pass a drug testw/ quest labs

 

Don't take any drugs!

 

Can't believe someone would actually ask that question~~

 

prolly sum asswipe from LCA. Dey be prity stoopid.

 

Drink a lot of beer! Stupid shit!

 

send it to the Quest Lab in Portland, they will screw it up for you

 

Hey, Portland performs excellent drug tests and fortunately if you are doing drugs you won't pass. Quest checks for EVERYTHING!! What does "pass" mean anyway?....you fail!! Get off the drugs and you won't need to worry.

 

They might perform excellent drug test but they will lose the results

 

Now THAT made me laugh. Thanks.

 

Poor guy, I'll help out the loser hippie...

Chances are, you're being screened for what's called a 10 panel drug screen... this test looks for all most possible drugs of abuse, including cocaine, amphetamines, methamphetamines, marijuana, methadone, opiates, PCP, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, and tricyclic.

Depending on how much your future employer, court system, etc... wants to spend, they can either choose this screening by urine or blood. If they choose blood, you're phuct. There's no way around it, other than time.

If, however, they choose urine screens, there's a chance that you can pass by completely flushing your system by drinking a high concentration of nitrates (be careful, this can hurt you if you drink too much). Also, just drinking water or iced tea in MASS quantities will also flush your system.

Let's hope your only problem is weed (as that's most hippie's problems) your "flush time" will depend on a number of things; how long you've been smoking, how often you smoke, how much you smoke when you do, the fat content in you body, etc... THC (the chemical in pot that phucks you up) hides in the body's stored fat, so if you're a fat ass, chances are you're busted. Or, if you're a TOTAL pot head, you're busted. But, if you're a casual smoker who isn't overweight, is in good general health with a good metabolism, if you drink a shitload of water for a few days before your test, you should be OK.

Oh, and by the way, STAY OFF THE DRUGS YOU LOSER!

 

smoke 'em if you got 'em...go to GNC and buy the $30 bottle of gelatin that coats your stomach so that chemicals cannot come into your stomach for a few hours. You do this the day of about 2-3 hours before. Then, you drink a shit load of water and it sits in your stomach for a while and the gelatin coating prevents the THC or coke from coming into your pee. Then you piss in a cup, it gets sent to Quest for processing. The next day, Quest will call you and tell you that you have cervical cancer and need to have surgery. This is, of course, is if they do not lose the specimen or get it mixed up with a crackhead on probation's drug test that is full of "H."

 

This is what I did to help pass the drug test due to the fact I like to snort every so often. Get some piss from a clean friend and place it in a thin plastic container with a secure lid. Tape that dam thing to the inside of your leg near your nut sack. Wear baggy pants (that is key). Get the collection kit from the tech. Go to the bathroom, close and lock the door. Empty the pee you brought into the collection cup. Retape the thin plastic container back to your leg. Give the guy his collection cup with your friends pee and you leave. Results come back and PADOW, you passed and now work for the worst run company for sales people.

 

If you smoke good shit, your chances of passing are less....stay away from the skunk and chronic...

 

Careful with statements like that before you know it we will have spread sheets we have to fill out for digene in our pain clinics verifing that we are talking to our pain docs about how they should be HPV testing. And oh yeah Care 360 Rocks...

 

Care 360 does rock!!! Surepath is the best PAP, Immunocap is the shiznit, and VAP is the only way to prevent heart attacks!!!

Quest is full of bullshit and I work there.

 

To pass a drug test, you need to eat a pound of celery each day 3 days before the test--fibrous vegetables absorb most of the common drugs. Also, for a week before the collection, place a 1/2" thick piece of aluminum foil in each of your shoes. The foil attracts most drugs away from your kidneys temporarily.

A friendly reminder, immediately remove the foil after the test because it also attracts testosterone.

 

Don't take the test! DUH!

 

Be sure to take a picture of your wee-wee and show them. It's part of the test to ensure that nothing's been tampered with.

 

Wow... ho much does it say about he medical/diagnostic expertise of the people on these boards if theses assinine suggestions are being made?

 

Pot is not a drug. It is much better than alcohol when vaporized. But good tips from a non hippie lol