Is Your Boss A Bully? Are You Sick of It?

Discussion in 'Dermik Laboratories' started by Anonymous, Sep 6, 2007 at 11:49 AM.

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  1. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Is Your Boss A Bully? Are You Sick of It?

    By Kathy Hermes
    The Republican-American (Waterford, CT)
    January 11, 2006
    Have you ever come home from work, wondering why you felt emotionally bruised day after day? Maybe you have a "bully boss." Bullying happens to or is witnessed by about 50% of workers. What we thought was a problem on the playground is still around when we grow up, but as adults, we don't know how to cope. Your work ethic made you look at yourself, to see whether you were performing your job correctly. You started to lose weight or had trouble sleeping, as 94% of bullied workers do. Your family was simultaneously supportive ("The boss is a jerk!") and not supportive ("You're overreacting!").

    Workplace bullying is defined by experts as "persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious, or insulting behaviour; abuse of power; or unfair penal sanctions. These make the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated, or vulnerable, undermine their self confidence and may cause them to suffer stress." (BMJ)

    On December 28, 2005, the Republican-American published my editorial about a friend's suicide from bullying. After Marlene died, I surfed the web and clicked a link to the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute (WBTI). I saw my friend: Targets fall into five (5) general types.Targets are people who: (1) Refuse to be subservient (58% claimed this to be a reason for being targeted) (2) Are technically more competent than their aggressors (56%) (3) Are envied, and thus resented, for their cooperativeness and being liked by others (49%) (4) Report illegal/unethical conduct, whistleblowers (46%) (5) Are vulnerable in some way (38% had been previously traumatized in or out of work) Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie, The Bully At Work, The Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, bullyinginstitute.org).

    Marlene rose in the ranks of her job quickly. She was a GS13 in only 13 years of service; her boss a GS14 after 25. She never hesitated to assert her position. Marlene had strong principles, was a hard worker and believed in fairness. She caught and pointed out his mistakes. Until her new boss came, she never had a black mark on her record. Therein lies the paradox: contrary to stereotypes, it is not the weak who are bullied; it is the strong.

    Bullied people suffer from what experts call "mental injury." It is a direct result of the bullying. It produces symptoms that include depression and anxiety, confusion, emotional numbness, and the fight-or-flight reaction normally associated with traumatic stress. Yet it isn't a mental illness, anymore than being punched in the stomach is a disease. Like most injuries, it can heal.

    Yet bullying rarely ceases on its own. Unemployment leads to a risk of suicide three times as great as those at risk in the same age group of employed persons. Employees who genuinely fear losing their jobs are also at heightened risk. Marriage and relationships break up, families and friendships are affected. Researchers call this the "ripple effect."

    Even the target is likely to blame herself. Only 8% of bullied employees will call the boss a "bully," while over 24% describe bullying behavior directed at them. Co-workers may take the bully's side. The victim doesn't realize she has been chosen less because of who she is than because she represents some threat to the bully. Moreover, the bully needs a victim. If you weren't there, he'd choose another. Management often is no help, though that is odd. The workplace is less efficient and all employees, victims and witnesses, feel sicker when they have a bully boss. Like sexual harassment, workplace bullying costs the places which employ the bullies, and yet targets are far more likely to be fired.

    The Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute works for changes in state laws to try to curb the problem. Legislatures need to step up to the plate. We as witnesses also need to step up. One study describes the employment situation with a bully boss as a "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" phenomenon. When we see bullying, we must not avert our eyes. Many people said after Marlene died, "I will lose my job if I say anything." That they are right is appalling. If we want things to change, we must not merely be witnesses; we must be willing to testify.

    I opened the Express Mail packet already knowing what was in it-the keys to her car, her house, her mailbox, her letter telling me that by the time I read this, she would be dead. Marlene's employer had already notified me of Marlene's suicide, but I was brought to my knees by the sentence that stood out in that letter, "My boss has made my life utterly unbearable this past year." Even after our conversations about her work situation, I could hardly take in what I was reading. Marlene was anxious and extremely upset, but she was also rational and lucid. Later, I heard from people who wondered whether she killed herself because of medication side effects, or because she was bipolar (she wasn't), or because she was having "relationship" problems. Why were people speculating? Marlene named his name and what he had done. He had bullied and brow-beat her repeatedly, alone and in front of others.

    It struck me as strange that so many people preferred to think that there was some other cause rather than the one Marlene named: her boss. Marlene's "My last day" email to her employer was almost a statistical probability. She took her life within the period (16.5 months) when most employees "leave" their jobs after bullying starts. Stress had, predictably, aged her. Co-workers had noticed it in life, and her sister and I in death. She lost 35 to 40 pounds in little over a year, a "diet" she referred to her by her boss's name. She couldn't sleep. Moreover, she was a woman. Women are more likely to be the targets of bullies, though experts say bullies themselves are just as likely to be of either sex. If you come home from work feeling like you have beaten up, you probably have been. Bullies are not just for kids.

    Katherine Hermes is an associate professor of history and co-coordinator of the Women's Studies Program at Central Connecticut State University. She lives in Torrington.

    The May, 2005 Marlene Braun suicide is chronicled in its own section at the WBTI
     

  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    alright, enough with these annoying "bully" posts, you big pillow biter
     
  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Thank you for discussing this important issue. The pillow biter person, was an idiot thing to say.
     
  4. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    hey asswipe- a pillow biter refers to a gay male. I am pretty certain it would have been a woman who posted this article. If you are going to try to hang with the big dogs - you might want to save yourself future embarrassment and look ip definitions of slang terms before thrwing them out there on a knee jerk reaction.
     
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest


    OK pillow biter....
     
  6. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    LLY has expert bullys standing by to coach any wanna be bullys on the most expedient way to destroy a top performer's career, inflict unbearable emotional pain and isolate even the most well like employee. Just call HR, they will take you under their protective wings and never allow a target to tarnish your career by complaining.
     
  7. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Applause on your post. And it's not just LLY.

    Too bad this is not a general discussion board. Times like these breed super bullies who get off on frightening and shaming their targets. Then they shoot their wounded from the safety of the protective wing.

    Here's to the wounded. Get help while you can.
     
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I too have been a victim for over 3 years. I figured if I did good work and stuck it out - this could not happen to me. Nobody believes that this person could be a bully because she doesn't "look" like one. But everything she has done is classic bullying. I was a strong performer with a great career. Then I decided to take a chance and move to another department to gain different experience. Now, I'm in the position of being put on a performance improvement plan with not much hope of coming out on top. When I read articles posted on-line, they all say, once you have to go to HR, you are almost guaranteed to go downhill from there. It's so difficult to prove bullying, that I'm afraid that it will turn out to be more humiliating than it already is. How do bully's get people to believe their lies? How did I let this happen? How can I recover from this devastation? I'm so surprised no one believes me. The only thing that is keeping me from doing the ultimate sacrifice is my daughter. My friends and past coworkers have always complimented me for being strong, the one people go to for help, and now this ruthless woman is making me feel like I have no control. She has campaigned hard to drive people to her side and I'm confused as to why these people would go that way without credible information. I cannot even defend myself and my upper management will not let me prove that she is lying. How is this possible?
     
  9. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    My boss is only mean when she hasn't been laid in a while. This is why I have us start all our ride-alongs over at my house for breakfast and a quick pfhuck before we head out. when she is freshly pfhucked it takes the edge off her and she is easier to work with, everyone needs a good lube once in a while to keep from getting engorged and frustrated. Happy to provide this service to her. I just give and give!
     
  10. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Interesting posts, I've stumbled upon them by accident.

    TO the above poster:

    I am resigning tomorrow from a pharma job where my boss is a bully. I'm the 13th person to leave his district in less than five years. The 12 others were either fired, quit or were managed out.

    I've been a top performer for over 15 years! Multiple President's Club awards in various markets, nominated to management trainee programs, ranked at the top at different companies, etc.

    My treatment by this manager has been reprehensible. I got singled out like you would not believe. There are others in my district who don't enter calls for a month, don't use their iPad, and never get so much as a look. Me on the other hand have been scrutinized since day one. Like you, there was no going to HR. I ran into my predecessor and found a number tried to go to HR with no success at all.

    You see, bullies get away with their actions because it's not sexual harassment, and they aren't blatantly stealing. HR will stand by their man.

    My advice to you: utilize your Employee Assistance Program. NOW. Get help. Start kickboxing or martial arts or listening to empowering music or reading positive daily devotionals, or whatever it is you need to do to get your confidence and mojo back. GET OUT! You are worth so much more than that bullsh*t. It's time to change your life. For the sake of yourself AND your daughter.

    I did, and you can, too. I decided enough was enough and found a new position (and got a raise).

    Good luck!
     
  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Most bully bosses start to take drugs to enhance their performance like cocaine or ritalin or speed.This turns them into bullies.
     
  12. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Record all voice mails. Harassment is illegal! Dig for dirty! There is always dirty and reach out to an employment lawyer! EEOC FILING COULD BE YOUR NEXT STEP! I had this happen to me- it took 9 months to get rid of my nightmare! But I did a precise timeline, did report to HR- make sure you emphasize I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I am a target - worse case get a note go out on short term dis- look for another job- unfortunately these asshole exist but YOU ARE BETTERTHAN THEM!!! Stay strong and stick it to them!
    Peace!
     
  13. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I am glad that you posted this info. I have been bullied by a co-worker. She continues to post online about me. It is a valid and important issue.
     
  14. anonymous

    anonymous Guest

    If you get bullied just find someone else to bully so you can feel better