Onboarding needs a review

1-call the help desk and they claim my staff ID is not active yet
2-call the help desk again and they say call the Celgene help desk
3-call the Celgene help desk and they answer right away, speak English, but say they have no authority to help
4-Amgen sends me computer that can't be plugged into a hard wire so I must use WiFi. Call the help desk and after getting through by faking a staff ID, they tell me they will send a docking station sometime next year?
5-Merrill Lynch can't help yet, they says they don't have my credentials yet. How is that since I already signed up?
6-I need some office supplies but they won't send the account link until mid December?
7- my DM is all over my ass about making calls but I am staying home until I get this done - allegedly I have 15 uncompleted tasks

Poor job Amgen, poor job

 

Exactly. I’ve been doing all my onboarding/ busywork at night and over weekends. I’m learning that must be the “Amgen Way”

 

Don't worry, you won't want to stay long!

 

If you've been here for 20+ years, might as well stay. If you are new, well just look at the chaos. We do all the big Pharma things badly and only pretend to be a nimble biotech. Get out.

 

you'll also find out that Merrill Lynch is a horrible 401k manager. Their website is like a maze designed to prevent you from changing or understanding your own funds.

 

This is not even scratching the surface -- wait til you experience the rest of the Amgen clusterfu.ck

 

At Amgen it is more like Waterboarding.

 

I haven't left the house since Day 1 and I have finally completed my required courses I think. Now I need to pass 3 F'ing driving classes? WTF! I have been driving since I was 14.

BTW, when the hell are they going to send me my link so I can sign up for medical benefits? The first thing I am doing on January 2 is taking short term leave and checking into a funny farm to deal with the stress of this onboarding. When I come back at day 59, I plan on getting my oil changed.

 

driving class? and how long is home study?

 

While you are on short-term leave, Amgen makes you pay the full value, on a monthly basis, for the vehicle. You can avoid that by having the fleet company pick up the vehicle from you. It's a wonderful, new, addition to the fleet policy.

 

Why should Amgen provide you a company care when you aren't working? You sound like one of the entitled lazy slobs who believes it in the Constitution that you can order a mini van. Grow up and take some responsibility for yourself victicrat.

 

shut up bitch

 

This cannot be the same idiot that responds with the same nonsense.

Where in my response does it state that you should be given a car when you are not working. Read before you respond, and go fuck yourself!

 

He can't read, so he wants a handout

 

dumb ass

 

I came on here because I too am having onboarding issues, but I'm curious about the car thing. No dog in fight with idiots, but answer the question:

If you are out on disability, why should a company provide a company car for your personal use? You aren't working, right?

 

Don't look for a coherent answer from these clowns. These are the type who cry about "welfare" and ask for small government, but they are the first to demand handouts, cheat on their taxes and side with the evangelicals but NEVER volunteer at church, much less tithe.

 

again for the two idiots in the room. who has asked for a free car? fucking morons

 

I'm an atheist. Fuck you, coward.

 

Fuck off. Self-righteous prick.