Philosophy / Humor

POLITICAL ONE-LINERS

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election Night. —Unknown

'In politics, absurdity is not a handicap'. —Napoleon Bonaparte

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of
them get elected. — Unknown

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. —Larry Hardiman

 

A GOOD DEAL

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as col- lateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage
and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, "We do appreciate
your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in
New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

 

HOLY HEE HEE

A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her
drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute.”

 

GOBBLE, GOBBLE GIGGLES
Q: What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
A: Groovy.
Q: Can you tell the difference between a female and a male turkey?
A:The male is the one with the TV remote.
Q: How did the turkey know he was in trouble two weeks before Thanksgiving?
A: The farmer unfriended him on Facebook. Thanksgiving: the day men start getting in shape to play Santa
Claus.

 

THOU SHALT NOT ASK A

SILLY QUESTION
Teacher: “Class, can I find someone who can list all Ten Commandments? They can be in any order.”
Student (after raising his hand): “Sure! Three, six, one, eight, four, five, nine, two, ten and
seven!”

 

Funny!

 

‘TIS THE SEASON — TO LAUGH!
ONE LINERS

Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Nice!