Project sausage announcement

Brussels, June 30. 2016.

UCB executive committee announces plans to convert Monheim Drug Development site into a sausage manufacturing plant. In making the announcement, the executive committee said world wide demand for sausage continues to increase, and our focused team in Monheim are well suited for entering the sausage market. Growth opportunities in sausage manufacturing are clear from recent real world analyses using the marketing organization's powerful insight generation tool, better know as "lame duck". Our goal is to gain significant market share in sausage manufacturing. The work is based on a 5 year analysis.

Analyst reaction was mixed; however, they note it fits with the current strategy to be last to market in novel and innovativea areas. UCB executives are reviewing plans to transform their Atlanta operations into a theme park, based on fantasy characters. Analysts applauded this move based on the bizarre and misfit staff currently assembled in the sprawling Symra campus. Further details will be provided once flushed out

 

LOVE THIS!!!

 

ExCom earlier today announced the leadership for Project Sausage. Head of Weiner marketing will be James "Big Dick" Zackheim. He will report into the newly appointed head of the Sausage PVU, Jeff "All talk little action" Wren. In making this announcement, UCB's CEO stated "we have two of the biggest weinies now assigned to Project Sausage". Project Sausage will be monumental for the Monheim site. Long viewed as an inefficient and under-utilized site, Monhheim will now have its chance to make an important contribution to the art of sausage manufacturing. UCB's commitment to patients is clear from the commitment to make 50 tonnes a year of German sausage.

 

This is hilarious, especially Knowing both James and Jeff. These two guys will probably screw up sausage manufacturing too. ExCom will need a patient value run to solve the problem. Who would be best light weight in the company to run the PVR?

 

Lucian Ionescu

 

Mark P from the medical affairs would be a great addition. He could be the official sausage measurer. Another guy who blows smoke and talks in big words. Worked with him at Astra and he was known for pissing in the wind when the wind was blowing towards him

 

dont forget about the foresight group from Atlanta also know as the foreskin group. Put some gold chains around Bharat and he could be the marketer. Just make sure he's not wearing his tight pants

 

I can't stop from laughing. After 8 years at UCB I have seen many changes and different efforts to evolve the company. Many senior leaders have come and gone. The good ones leave swiftly. Since there is little desire to license in any compounds to augment our anemic portfolio it isn't clear what the strategy is for the company. I like the idea of sausage manufacturing. How much longer will they keep to two sites in the US? I keep waiting to hear they close one site and consolidate us or let everyone work from home.

Never been to Monheim but from what I hear it is a goofy place where people have jobs for life

 

heard people talking about this post the other day and had to look at it. I am going on 3 years and this is so damn funny. The secret to success at UCB is keep a low profile. Pay and benefits are good just no real future. It's a company that does a lot of changing and talking internally but it doesn't seem to translate into much. Wren is a total misfit. Hard to imagine what the family and J-C see in him as he just flaps the gums, name drops and hasn't really delivered much. The neurology PVU is just riding out the older assets and its anybodies guess what will happen if VIMPAT goes away earlier with the patent challenge.

Does anyone know if UCB even has some senior people looking at licensing products. The only person I have meet is based on Raleigh and she seems out of her league.

Let's just hope wren doesn't screw up the sausage sales

 

who is going to be the official sausage tester? This is an important role and will be known as "head sausage tester". Official job posting goes up on Tuesday.

 

UCB NEWS FLASH
Applications for head, Weine tester are now at 15. The interview process is underway. The expectation is that the top 3 candidates will be invited to Monheim were the Weine bake-off will occur. ExCom is reviewing applicants. Next week we will learn who the final 3 are? Any bets on who they will be?

 

Mark page is that you asking this question

 

Page is like a wind up toy. Turn the crank and he pontificates. He likes to hear himself talk

 

is page gone?

 

Page is gone.

 

Apparently one of the Big 4 consultancies, McKinsey, or Bain or BCG did a project for UCB and one of the conclusions was that Mark Page had to go. Was it because finally all of the people who Mark Page squeezed and then got all the credit finally spoke up?

James Siano you're next you psycho piece of shit.

 

Word was that Page started losing it too. Showed up to work in PJs and was constantly muttering to himself.

Siano is a worthless, ignorant fool. Just like Page, he'll cross the wrong person soon enough.

 

has anyone figured out what Siano does? He seems to have learned from the grand master of hiding low (Christof)

 

jensen is the mystery man. He shows up to the office occasionally and we are all trying to figure or what he really does.