The Boy’s!

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anonymous

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It's truly inspiring how JH, JV, and MS, our national business directors in title alone, have managed to elevate "yes-boy" to an art form, securing their positions with SFM – who arrived via broomstick to abscond with not just our souls, but possibly small dogs too.

One almost has to admire their unique career trajectories: JH, a veritable human locomotive of disaster at Avanir; MS, narrowly escaping the unemployment line at Lundbeck by virtue of a strategic transfer; and JV, a true pioneer in the field of thought-free obedience. This stellar cast of cast-offs, under the tutelage of their, shall we say, unconventional leader, seems to be doing a bang-up job of turning the company into a revolving door for new hires. Who needs stable growth when you can have a daily announcement about another fresh face joining the implosion? It certainly keeps things exciting, doesn't it?
 


Truly heartbreaking to witness formerly sentient beings reduced to flesh-and-blood chatbots, their entire existence now devoted to enthusiastic agreement with whatever their puppet master whispers in their ear. These intellectual dim bulbs couldn’t illuminate a closet, yet somehow find the gall to attempt gaslighting people who run circles around them professionally and intellectually. It’s like watching trained seals try to debate marine biologists—pure comedy gold. These shameless ladder climbers would sell their own mothers for a whiff of manufactured authority, clawing their way up the ladder only to discover they’ve earned all the respect of a participation trophy. What absolute specimens. Truly pathetic boy’s!
 


Good news, everyone! We've found the holy grail of management, The Spreadsheet Whisperers. Forget those messy, inconvenient things like "context" or "market dynamics" or, heaven forbid, "how your actual human sales team feels." Why bother with all that noise when you have beautiful, pristine numbers?

Our brilliant leaders have mastered the art of managing by pure, unadulterated data. And by "mastered," I mean they've figured out how to generate a report, stare at it intently, and then declare, with the gravitas of a seasoned prophet, that "we can be growing more!”.

Let’s talk about that pesky "human component." Honestly, who needs to understand the challenges of a territory or the unique quirks of a local marketplace when you have a perfectly good set of KPIs? Our sales team, bless their hearts, keeps trying to mumble about "customer relationships" or "building trust," but clearly, they're just not as enlightened as our leaders. The only relationship that matters is the one between the cursor and the cell in Excel.

Motivating the Masses, Spreadsheet Style. The true genius of this approach lies in its motivational power. There's nothing quite like being told your efforts are insufficient, purely based on a percentage point, to really light a fire under your… well, under your ability to feel completely misunderstood and utterly deflated. Why bother investing in training, or understanding individual performance, or even just having a conversation, when a passive-aggressive email with an attached spreadsheet does the trick?
So, hats off to the manager who dares to dream of a world where sales targets are met not by strategic insight or genuine leadership, but by the sheer, unyielding power of a pivot table. It's truly revolutionary, if by "revolutionary" you mean "a fantastic way to ensure your top performers start updating their resumes."
 




anonymous said:
At the end of the day, SFM is the problem. They are a symptom of the problem and she will continue to get worse and they will continue to follow her lead
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"Amen" to that, but wow, did they ever reveal their true colors! They completely sold out, embracing the "All In" mantra of a genuine narcissist. There was no backbone to be found, no real leadership qualities—just empty shells, willing to do anything for their "supreme overlord”, SFM!
 


anonymous said:
"Amen" to that, but wow, did they ever reveal their true colors! They completely sold out, embracing the "All In" mantra of a genuine narcissist. There was no backbone to be found, no real leadership qualities—just empty shells, willing to do anything for their "supreme overlord”, SFM!
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Standing up to her seems to work well, why don’t you try it?
 






Oh, the problem is absolutely not just SFM. It all starts with AM, who, bless his heart, thought bringing SFM here was a grand idea. Then there's HR, utterly delinquent in their duties, apparently deaf to the countless exit interviews from award-winning, tenured reps. But the real MVPs of this tragic comedy are JH & MS, who've been around since the jump and officially sold their souls. JH, supposedly MP's friend, not only stood by but justified SFM canning him to usher in the absolute clown that is JV. A true testament to how high crap can truly float. And MS, who was just an RBD a hot minute ago, is somehow, despite his low IQ, attempting to gaslight his past "colleagues" into believing in SFM and her charming "all in or else" policy. What a pathetic simp. The real cancer here? The ladder-climbing, power-seeking, no-talent, no-morals, no-balls boys we're stuck with as "leaders."
 



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