Sorry we regret to inform you, the company did not do well this year, but we are still The Greatest Place to Work. We did provide you fuckwads free snacks, 12 meals, and gray jackets, what more do you want? You want bonuses? Your bosses will be contacting you soon about 1,001 things to reward you (none providing monetary rewards). We will clean your garden if you work 80 hours the week before vacation.
Regards and Kisses
HR