Hello...to add to this great thread, this is a special transmission from your CEO Markus Cock direct from the penal colony down under.
First off, I want you all to know that I drive an Audi and just in case you didn't already come to this brilliant conclusion, I'm a superior human being in every aspect.
Second, I also want you to know that I'm extra special because I'm German but I live in Austrailia with the rest of these Aussie Dingo bastards.
And third, Austrailian interference in US business operations will be expanded incompetently and will continue indefinitely or at least until the company goes down in flames or is purchased by an idiotic and unsuspecting 3rd party as is typically the case in the high integrity and well respected field of medical waste management.
To update you, Sunday evening conference calls will be held weekly from now until you exit the company. As a special measure, during NFL football season, these conference calls will be extended from 1 hour to 3 hours. All conference calls will include extensive & awkward public humiliation and will be followed by 30 minutes of waterboarding (1 hour if you do not achieve +150% of your unrealistic sales quota).
Also, please remember that however hard you work and whatever good you do for this company simply will not be good enough. We will continue raising the bar (that is assuming we can find the bar as I believe someone in either Executive Management or Finance may have misplaced it and if so we'll need to forge a new bar as quickly as possible). We will keep you updated on the status of this.
Just in case you got your hopes up, I wanted to remind you that you shouldn't even think about making any commission here because through our creative accounting, complex commission plans, convoluted CBA process, and questionable company policies, we will figure out a way to take it away from you. In fact, how about you just start paying the company for the pleasure of working at this fine establishment? I'll get with Finance and make this a top initiative on my priority list.
For our next order of business, please schedule your procedures ASAP to have the Medismart containers surgically attached to your bodies. This is the necessary next step we must take as an organization to insure these containers are with you at all times because as you know, if you do not have a Medismart container with you, you are nothing more than a simple "Garbage Man" and we just can't have a bunch of simple Garbage Men running about and mucking things up.
To close things out because I'm such a witty, inspiring, intelligent, superior, well respected and motivational leader, I have three special words for you, can you guess what they are? Maybe we can play a fun little game of Hangman to help you out although this did take the Canadian team about 12 hours and they had to use their lifeline to call in their Canuck buddy Michael Sloopka to help them figure it out but what else would you expect?
Here, I'll help you out, are you ready? Here they are:
SELL MORE NOW!!
Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm so funny. Very good. That is all for now. Markus out...