What is obvious to me is that those who claim to 'respect life' either only consider life as being the fact you are alive and breathing, as any consideration beyond that is not given to the woman. She is an aside, and hardly even part of the conversation.
But moving on, let's talk about reality instead of the nice little boxes those with black and white positions want everything to fit neatly into.
Some comments from real life:
Even women who try to learn their child’s blamelessness can find it desperately difficult. The British psychoanalyst Joan Raphael-Leff writes of women bearing children conceived in rape, “The woman feels she has growing inside her part of a hateful or distasteful Other. Unless this feeling can be resolved, the fœtus who takes on these characteristics is liable to remain an internal foreigner, barely tolerated or in constant danger of expulsion, and the baby will emerge part-stranger, likely to be ostracized or punished.” One rape survivor, in testimony before the Louisiana Senate Committee on Health and Welfare, described her son as “a living, breathing torture mechanism that replayed in my mind over and over the rape.” Another woman described having a rape-conceived son as “entrapment beyond description” and felt “the child was cursed from birth”; the child ultimately had severe psychological challenges and was removed from the family by social services concerned about his mental well-being.
Then there are real-life financial considerations. An uncomplicated pregnancy with prenatal care and a vaginal birth will cost upwards from about $10,000. Costs go up dramatically if there are any complications. Let's assume the woman has insurance but with deductibles and copays, will have to pay about $4,000, which is considered average. So the woman and her family are supposed to pay this. Any of us not the government have to make choices with our money and what is spent in one place has to come from somewhere else. Why should the family make this sacrifice because they were the victim of a crime?
Now factor in the prenatal visits. If the woman is working, she must take time off work. For many, that will be unpaid. Even paid, the time off for prenatal care increases throughout the pregnancy and is once per week the last couple of months. Not every employer is understanding. Then she will take at least a few weeks off work. She gets mommy tracked, even if she doesn't keep the child, and her lifetime earnings goes down. That's if she is lucky enough to be able to keep a job at all. What if she is in school? In many majors, the time off would end up meaning missing an entire year. Do you know how rare it is for someone to return to college once they leave?
I would love to hear the perspective from some husbands other than MFAS. My pregnancies were very easy but they were also some of the most special times my husband and I had as a couple. Are you going to take care of her and think it is all worth it if she is very ill for the first 3 months? Are you going to get up at 3 in the morning and prepare a snack for her to minimize the morning sickness? Are you going to beam looking across the room at your wife as she expands? Are you going to put your hand on her stomach and giggle like little kids the first time you feel the child move? Are you going to run out to the store at all hours, laughing with good intentions, about the latest odd food craving? Or are you going to watch the growing evidence of her pregnancy and see a constant reminder of the animal that destroyed her sense of self and safety? Are you going to hate your impotence to 'fix' and undo what has happened? Are you going to look at this newborn, with the eyes and hair coloring of the rapist, with love and awe, or hatred? There is a reason that in times past that children of rape were allowed to be left exposed to the elements until they died.
How should the mother react every time a stranger cries out with joy 'oh you're pregnant! Congratulations! You must be so excited! Or explaining to every future partner, every future health care provider, about the 'other child'. Does she explain and go on being a victim for more time, or pretend to be pleased?
If the crime of rape is not proven in a court of law, even if there is clear proof but the woman chooses to not go through the fiasco of court, there are many cases where the rapist takes great joy in his conquest and fertility. These are the cases where the rapist demands visitation or more.
Oh, but the child! We must protect the life of the child! Why, just adopt! Unless the child is a very healthy white baby, the odds of adoption are slim. Do you know it costs more to adopt a healthy white child due to demand?
I Believe DD brought up - how do you tell this child about the 'father'? How do they face kids at school, future dating partners, and future in-laws? Sure, there are some that will where this as a badge of honor but I doubt you would want to be this child.
MFAS: Especially for you. Please read this attachment. This is written by a mother who chose to keep the child. She talks frankly of her struggles for a child she decided she wanted! Only a small portion of her distress was caused by people thinking she should abort. Can you imagine if she had no choice at all?
http://www.pandys.org/survivingthememories/mother.html You really need to gain some awareness that this is not just a short term inconvenience.
We must preserve a woman's right to choose. It is a horrible responsibility but one only she can make. And whatever choice she makes, abortion, adoption, or keeping the child, it is hers to make and no one should tell her it was wrong.
