To Vag...since you do not judge


I'm jealous! So, you're heading over to the Asian honey? You must be horny from the time you wake up anticipating the action!

So, how long will you be there? Or do you have to run home and do yard work later?

Yard work? Nah, I hire that shit done. I am heading over in a little bit, as my wife's tee time is 2:30 today. You are so right that I am ripe with anticipation Scarlett. I can feel her skin in my hands, kiss her, smell her, and taste her. Plus today is shaving day, so we will get a little tuned up, she will lovingly shave me, then onto the main event. I will try for seconds today, as the wife is playing 18. I told her to plan on me until about 3:00. I am off to the shower then out of here very, very soon. I will have a full re-cap tonight. I expect the same if you get laid today Scarlett.
 


You are hysterical Libs. Shaving? OMG...I thought I heard it all. I remember having a lover who was great for those Saturday AM sessions. Often, one would leave the door unlocked and it was only a matter of sliding into the bed...so nice just exploring and starting your day with that kind of anticipation.
 


You are hysterical Libs. Shaving? OMG...I thought I heard it all. I remember having a lover who was great for those Saturday AM sessions. Often, one would leave the door unlocked and it was only a matter of sliding into the bed...so nice just exploring and starting your day with that kind of anticipation.

Gracious.
 


You are hysterical Libs. Shaving? OMG...I thought I heard it all. I remember having a lover who was great for those Saturday AM sessions. Often, one would leave the door unlocked and it was only a matter of sliding into the bed...so nice just exploring and starting your day with that kind of anticipation.

Hell Yeah!!! Here's how I see the shaving issue Scarlett. I want her totally shaved clean. Nothing worse than smelly pubes in my mouth. She should get the same from me. Don't knock it till you've tried it. I have had many lovers thank me for it afterward. They said that very few men show them that much consideration. Plus, it feels good for me too.
 


I think you answered this question before Libs, but why not just take a lover/have an affair? Is this because you just don't want any headaches or attachments in the emotional sense? It does seem as if you do care for her very much though.

Obviously something is missing or there is a 'void' for you to want her this much. Just curious.
 


I think you answered this question before Libs, but why not just take a lover/have an affair? Is this because you just don't want any headaches or attachments in the emotional sense? It does seem as if you do care for her very much though.

Obviously something is missing or there is a 'void' for you to want her this much. Just curious.

It's a great question and she is a sweet person. She is off the charts gorgeous and very tender, yet nasty. This just works right now. I have done the girlfriend thing several times, and it always ends up complicated. This isn't complicated. I show up, we smoke a little, we fuck a lot, and spend some cuddling time afterwards. I have spent the night a few times and it was good. I need great sex Scarlett, and this works for me right now. It is well-worth the money. Most of the women on here wouldn't give me a second look if they didn't know me and my story. Not sure if this answers the question or not?
 




I just had to tell someone, that guy and I walked by a pond the other night. We did some heavy kissing and some very light petting but it sure felt good. It sort of woke up another part of me that's been asleep for awhile. I had no idea about the rush I was missing. We didn't go all the way, I'm just taking it slow and easy for now.

My actual fantasy was to tell him I would eventually like to do everything except intercourse. Has anyone ever had a friendship like that? If so how did it work out?
 


I just had to tell someone, that guy and I walked by a pond the other night. We did some heavy kissing and some very light petting but it sure felt good. It sort of woke up another part of me that's been asleep for awhile. I had no idea about the rush I was missing. We didn't go all the way, I'm just taking it slow and easy for now.

My actual fantasy was to tell him I would eventually like to do everything except intercourse. Has anyone ever had a friendship like that? If so how did it work out?

Vag is right on. Guilt is a funny thing. I am guessing you are married and that spark is dead or like a lot of us that old age, illness, too many fights and on and on have destroyed what once was a good relationship and now it's old, maybe too comfortable or just tolerable. You have to ask yourself about the guilt. Can you be open about it to your main squeeze? I don't know. There is a real thrill to feel that again after it's been dead for a long time. But I warn you: If you have only jello at home and suddenly get to taste chocolate ice cream for the first time in say 10 or 20 years, you are going to have a hard time ever wanting to eat jello again, and when you do, it really will be just blah jello. It might make you realize your dissatisfaction goes deeper than you ever thought. AMs never turn into partners and you cannot undo what is once done. JMTC
 
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Vag and GG are on key with this. You need to be able to separate the guilt out completely. Also...answer why you need this. No doubt, an affair awakens every sense and emotion in you.

Also, ask if this is 'safe' and whether both of you know what the parameters are.
 


If there is nothing wrong with cheating on your spouse as some would claim, then why would there be any guilt?

Here is a thought. If you are that freaking unhappy. Leave your spouse and have a good ole time guilt free.

It is amazing to see all of these people wallowing in self misery.

On a separate note, I sometimes think that Vagisil loves this thread more than life itself. Just sayin ;)
 


ILA: There is a heck of a lot more to a marriage than just sex. But when sex is no longer that enjoyable and you cannot get turned on at all by your partner, there will be a void in life. Most live with it. Eighty percent of partners do not want to swing or want an open relationship. Most people cannot tolerate being lied to - it's a deal breaker. (Oh, and most of the women I know over 45 who are married are not turned on by their husbands anymore. They are just very good at keeping them happy and acting like they are "happy" - faking the "O". If there is "entry" lube needed in the bedroom, she's NOT turned on.)

So, a person has two choices: just enjoy your sexually lame partner for all their other qualities and appreciate what you have or cheat and live with the potential for guilt. Not everyone feels guilty but I would say most have to justify the behavior. That being said, naughty sex is usually the best kind because it brings a person back to when they were a teenager and sex was taboo and intense. I bet if Americans in general had a different attitude about sex we would not have such crappy marriages with such high divorce and infidelity rates. Happy marriage anymore is nearly an oxymoron. (I know dude, yours is just great!)

At a certain age, financially, it becomes impossible to "leave your spouse" in the current economic climate and with the 1/2 split of all assets. Few can afford a divorce after or close to the age of 50 because few of us have enough to retire and the U.S. has no respect and no place for the aged worker.

Oh, check out the hits on this thread. It is the second most READ thread of all time on the Cafe. I think it is far more than just Vag that enjoys reading it.
 
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Well, I don't believe in breaking the marriage vows for any reason. If I felt the way some of you all do, I'd be single again.

That's what makes up the world -- people with different needs and wants, as well as opinions.

There comes a point in one's life, where, whether you think it's "settling" or not, you've got to find your happiness with what you're carrying in your heart. If your heart isn't in it, then why stay?

And don't give me the crap about money.
 


Sorry, DD, but staying is about the money. I know of no one over fifty that can really afford to "start over" and split their retirement and be able to still retire unless they want to move to a trailer park. Jobs suck right now and employers are not hiring older folks. In other countries, it is often perfectly acceptable to have an AM. You are weighing cheating against being able to retire and assuming that a cheater is unhappy in their marriage. It is your personal choice which one is more important.

Now, I could live in a trailer and be happy but Mr. Gams has too much stuff and requires about 5000 sq ft. He loves his stuff. For others, it is also about raising their kids together and affordably. I know of many in that situation (cheating, hiding, lying and staying to be with their kids). I think what is interesting is how many married people are just not that happy sexually. It is a shame we all cannot find an acceptable "moral" solution that is not as costly as divorce. I personally could care less about cheating. It is far down on my list of issues with a partner. . . somewhere around leaving the toilet seat up. (But my perception is based on stats that at least 60 to 70 percent of married people cheat at some point.) I am more concerned with getting love and support, having someone to discuss things with, being able to share stories, care for one another and being on the same page. Course, it's only cheating if you both have defined it that way. You have shared how that is a deal breaker for you. I would love to hear a dirty story from Mr. Gams. It would thrill me.

You know what is funny, I had a doctor friend who everyone thought was the greatest guy in the world. His wife believed they were faithful soulmates. He passed away and I attended the service. She felt she would never get over losing this perfect man. I was so envious that she had that great relationship for even a short time, that kind of intense love and great sex. According to her, they were absolutely crazy for one another. Fast forward two years and I find out HE had a GF and fooled around. I guess my point is some people don't even know their partner. How many of us live in our own deluded worlds? Is it better never knowing? She does not know to this day. The ideal image of her marriage remains untarnished, but her image is not reality . . . or was it?

Plus, DD, you have that Catholic guilt thing going on with the "vows". I don't get either one and neither does the Mr. Either you're committed to one another through thick and thin or you're not.
 
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Well said. No one goes into a marriage wanting to break vows - or even imagine that could happen at any given point. The number of people who have affairs is in the 70% range. You would not believe how many people I know that either are or have had them. I also know 3 docs who are having affairs. They have the house, the money and all the things that outwardly show a happy marriage. Each have a different need or void that cannot be satisfied in any way in the family dynamic. It's NOT about sex most of the time either.

Everyone has a 'void'...everyone. It does not have to be related to a marriage, but in many cases, if it is, you have choices. Live with it, leave or love elsewhere.

To condemn someone who feels that the excitement can be gained elsewhere is wrong. It's the social and moral stigma that people need to get around.

One last point is that for people who have affairs, ask them if it sustained their marriage or not. I'll venture to say it kept it intact. The money is secondary. What is primary if family/kids etc.
 


Scarlett, your last point is spot on. Many affairs I think do keep the primary relationship together. I know of another doctor that could not keep it in his pants. He finally got a rep pregnant. She thought he would leave his wife or his wife would divorce him. Nope. It ended up costing the rep her marriage while his stayed the same. I think he still fools around. His wife however is now his "office manager" - LOL.

The type of cheating I really don't understand are the "serial" cheaters; the ones that do it with many people, nearly anyone and all the time indiscriminately. I think they have some deep seated emotional issues. However, the needing to feel that tingle and thrill again, I get. I even get the AM like LIBS has. He's a lucky guy because he has found a good balance and been able to separate what is important from what is just great sex and physical intimacy. I think it is truly possible to have physical intimacy with more than one person and still be very much committed to your primary relationship. I believe my doctor friend that died was able to do it. Obviously, his wife was very happy. . . but happy not knowing his secret side.
 
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BTW, where are the PG's moral police, ILA, MFAS, Hairy and PH? Kind of surprised they are not in here, especially MFAS, pointing out how hot Hell will be for the cheaters and commending himself for never faltering from God's word.

I had the perfect example of the recent posts this weekend. Spent the weekend in Austin with my wife. Our "getaway" weekend, was acceptable. We drove through the hill country, went to some Vineyards (for her), and had an OK time. Sex when we got in Friday night was an aborted attempt. I was tired, went limp, rolled over, and went to sleep. Had to have a return engagement last night, and thankfully, they had Hotel porn. She repulses me to touch her and I am so not into her. I missed my baby so much this weekend. My Saturday morning thing was not there this weekend.

Bottom line, GG is 100% correct. Once you hit 50, it does start to become about the money to a certain extent. I can live with my wife, especially with her travel schedule. I won't get to see my baby until Wednesday night, but I cannot wait. We as humans need great sex. It's what validates us (men more than women).
 


I had the perfect example of the recent posts this weekend. Spent the weekend in Austin with my wife. Our "getaway" weekend, was acceptable. We drove through the hill country, went to some Vineyards (for her), and had an OK time. Sex when we got in Friday night was an aborted attempt. I was tired, went limp, rolled over, and went to sleep. Had to have a return engagement last night, and thankfully, they had Hotel porn. She repulses me to touch her and I am so not into her. I missed my baby so much this weekend. My Saturday morning thing was not there this weekend.

Bottom line, GG is 100% correct. Once you hit 50, it does start to become about the money to a certain extent. I can live with my wife, especially with her travel schedule. I won't get to see my baby until Wednesday night, but I cannot wait. We as humans need great sex. It's what validates us (men more than women).

I know and frankly, I'm jealous of you and of Vag who is single and self-supporting, enough to retire and getting to play the field and enjoy his friends. I am screwed all the way around. You know my story and how alike we are. I WOULD pay money to have what you do, to have somebody actually make passionate love to me. But I don't even have the money. LOL. Instead, I have the flu, a job I really don't like and a heavy class schedule. Mr. Gams is pissed because he did not get his "weekly S&M session" and I am just drained and always feeling put out. He is so overweight it is totally disgusting and he truly does not care at all about his appearance. I also pay most of the bills and do all the shopping and cooking, only I don't drink a million cans of pop and eat garbage he buys at Walmart. Plus, I workout to try and stay in shape. He languishes on the couch 24/7 getting up to breathlessly go to the basement for 15 minutes in a totally lame effort to finish it. He accuses me of doing nothing because I'm on the computer all the time. . . well, duh! I have to support us and am going to grad school 25 hours a week. WTF? Such is life. The word STUCK comes to mind. I pray for time to grant me something wonderful, something meaningful while I work to create just that. He has my health insurance as my insurer won't pay for my condition. If things were only different, maybe I would have the guts DD has and start again. . . but it is not possible. S T U C K ! !
 
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GG - you have a few issues going on. An affair would not solve it or them...but the intensity and excitement of one sure as hell makes the other stuff trivial. Look at how Libs looks forward to being with his honey. The surge of energy gives you a kick in your step.

If someone has never known what that kind of high is like, then they shouldn't knock others for what they do. The great sex Libs and Vag talk about is necessary...the kind that is slow, sensual, exciting, breath-taking - and that you can't get enough of. Who would say no to that? Better yet, who has that EVERYDAY with the spouse???
 


GG - you have a few issues going on. An affair would not solve it or them...but the intensity and excitement of one sure as hell makes the other stuff trivial. Look at how Libs looks forward to being with his honey. The surge of energy gives you a kick in your step.

If someone has never known what that kind of high is like, then they shouldn't knock others for what they do. The great sex Libs and Vag talk about is necessary...the kind that is slow, sensual, exciting, breath-taking - and that you can't get enough of. Who would say no to that? Better yet, who has that EVERYDAY with the spouse???

Like GG, I would love someone that would at least have a degree of pride in their appearance and grooming. I don't need off the charts, but at least act like it matters to you. She knows what I want, how I like to be touched, how she likes to be touched, and what grosses me out. Have a little pride.